1) I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 

2) I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheet programs. 

3) Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 

4) Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 

5) Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 

6) Its best for employers that I not work with people. 

7) Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 

8) You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 

9) Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 

10) I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 

11) Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 

12) Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 

13) I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 

14) I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free To respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 

15) I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. 

16) My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. 

17) I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 

18) As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments. 

19) Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 

20) Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. 

21) Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job. 

22) Marital status: often. Children: various. 

23) Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions. 

24) The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 

25) Finished eighth in my class of ten. 

26) References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.