A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was 'running it under Windows.' The woman then responded, 'No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.' 

Tech Support: 'OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' 
Customer: 'I don't have a 'P'.' 
Tech Support: 'On your keyboard, Bob.' 
Customer: 'What do you mean?' 
Tech Support: ''P' on your keyboard, Bob.' 
Customer: 'I'm not going to do that!' 

Overheard in a computer shop: 
Customer: 'I'd like a mouse mat, please.' 
Salesperson: 'Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.' 
Customer: 'But will they be compatible with my computer?' 

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it. 

Customer: 'Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?' 

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this: 
Customer: 'Hi. Is this the Internet?' 

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to 'The Internet.' 

Customer: 'So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?' 
Tech Support: 'Yeah.' 
Customer: 'And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?' 
Tech Support: 'Uhh...uh...uh...yeah.' 

Tech Support: 'All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon.' 
Customer: 'That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons.' 
Tech Support: 'Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --' 
Customer: 'I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons.' 
Tech Support: 'Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?' 
Customer: [click] 

Customer: 'My computer crashed!' 
Tech Support: 'It crashed?' 
Customer: 'Yeah, it won't let me play my game.' 
Tech Support: 'All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.' 
Customer: 'No, it didn't crash -- it crashed.' 
Tech Support: 'Huh?' 
Customer: 'I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work.' 
Tech Support: 'Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'' 
Customer: [pause] 'Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?'