Criminal : 
A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught. 

Diplomat : 
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 

Doctor : 
A person who kills your ills by pills and kills you with his bills. 

Experience : 
The name men give to their mistakes. 

Father : 
A banker provided by nature. 

Marriage : 
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's. 

Miser : 
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 

Rumour : 
News that travels at the speed of light. 

Tears : 
The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power. 
    
Worry : 
Interest paid on trouble before it falls due. 

Yawn : 
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.